Monday, July 11, 2011

Blind Faith

So, here I am sitting in the computer centre of the "Worlds Second Best Medical College" with absolutely no idea as to what I want to write about. Shall it be a serious treatise on the crash of the worlds economy? A wild and crazy rant about the dangers of communism? A funny story about a dog with one leg? Or a humorless and dry article about the prevalence of potholes on the streets of Vellore? What shall it be..what shall it be?
Maybe I should talk about small towns, small communities, enclosed campuses and walls with ears. About monopoly, mommas boys and frightened administrators...castrated administrations and spineless students. I would like to construct a new world, never minds its name. But it exists and lives in the recesses of every small community, every small town and actually manifests as pure ignorant badness.
More than poverty, more than anger, more than war and the desire to find out whats cooking in your neighbours kitchen Self righteousness is, i feel, the true plague of mankind. It can spread like a cancer among the masses, words being its only vehicle. It is transferred through thoughts, dreams and visions. It maybe manifested as a burning bush for some, the saffron colour of war for others and the crescent moon for a third. It comes cloaked in various disguises but it is not very difficult to recognise once you realise how it works.
Hitler was dangerous not because of his evil, but because he was so convinced that he was right. The crusades did not wage for so many years and take a toll on the lives of countless millions because they were a petty war between two sister religions but because they were fought in the firm conviction that the other side had no just cause to stand upon.
Maybe I am making the actual issue, far reaching and much larger than it may seem at first sight but I disagree. All these momentous events in the history of mankind, these bloodied pages of the story of the earth bear witness to one fact, that the belief that you are right, in exclusion to the views of all other people has led to more hardships and problems than pure greed.
So what relation does it have to the state of events in the smalled walled community that I live in? Everything.
I shall mention no names. I shall name no events and I shall point no fingers. I shall construct scenarios out of my own imagination and work it out from there.
If self righteousness is one bane for a community, insecurity is another and comes second in my list of human evils. Religion is something personal. Everyone hears this platitude repeated endlessly like the mantras repeated with prayer beads. I agree with it but what does it mean?
It means this - A man establishes his connection with god in his own personal way - it may be a simple smile in the direction of a neighbouring temple every morning prior to work. It may be a bowed head over his daily meals, a thank you. It may be a fast made in honour of his gods, broken with great rejoicing, it may be candles, frankincense and myrrh. It maybe chaos, pandemonium, drums and dances, colours and lights...crackers and brilliant sparkles jabbing away the darkness of the night. Whatever it is, I feel that everyone moves towards religion in their own manner and this movement is very much akin to the migration of birds in winter. We humans do it purely as creatures of instinct.
So, if a person feels no peace worshipping in a particular manner, I believe he has every right to move over to something else. But then, insecurity will not allow him to.
The problem with putting my theory into practical use is that a religion is more like a club in these troubled times. We all gang together in the attempt to assess our own mortality, our relationship with the almighty and our opinion of the unexplained universe. This stems from the universal truth that there is comfort in numbers. When these numbers that were once so numerous start to decline:- anger, rage, disbelief ensues. This may not be because of the actual fact of the desertion but because people may think this 'Is what I have been following the wrong method? Is God accessible through this path or through the other, is nirvana attainable only to those of the other religions, are we to be abandoned?' Insecurity. This manifests as denial and leads to large scale conflicts.
But I feel, that the truth is much simpler and have already laid it out for you to agree or disagree to it. People must worship in whatever way gives them a modicum of peace. If you find yourself distressed by your religion, change it.
So what am I building up to? Tolerance.
Walled Communities are a safe area to witness the small ripples in the current that lead to the whirlpool of national affairs. They are the small scale models of butterflies flapping their wings to produce a vortex half a world away. They denote and intensify the small problems in our world that lead to the large scale conflicts. I recommend them to sociologists as places where they can identify the causes for most of the problems that plague us.
I have come across several discriminative insecurities in the past three years of my life. Deepavali the festival of light is always a source of anger. It is not a festival that encompasses all religions, it is not a festival that other religions can enjoy, it is pagan... these are the actual issues that people have. But they are masked...the resistance comes in the form of statements like 'the noise disturbs the staff, we were planning another function at that particular time...' Sometimes another religious icon may be planted in the field where the event is supposed to be held to discourage any activity. Small subtle hints that maybe we are not wanted, that we are tolerated only because they have to and that our customs have no respect.
Let us set aside this issue for a minute. To deny leave to someone so that they can celebrate their own festival comes to me as a surprise. Festivals are times to connect with family and your community back home...to deny this to someone is tantamount to curbing their freedom.
I am not asking Hindus to worship in Churches or for Muslims to break coconuts at the steps of temples, I am not asking Christians to dress in Saffron and dance around 20 foot idols of the Lord Ganesha. That would be too much to ask, and such open mindedness is not possible for everyone though it would be ideal. Respect....observe and realise this, if your faith is strong and your convictions are in the right place, God is just a breath away. Too much time is spent in putting barricades around your religion, too much effort spent in criticising the other religions and too much thought is given to your own superiority.
I am not a very religious man. I do not pray daily and have a disdain for a lot of Hindu Practices though I am one myself. But when I look at the various miracles that faith can perform, I sometimes wonder at its redeeming nature. A christian Missionary can serve a community endlessly , without proper housing, food or sanitation, secure in the belief that he is doing Gods work. A Sufi mystic can render advice to all who come to him, renounce his home and family and live a life of service to society, in the same vein a Hindu can construct centres of medicine like the ones seen in Whitefield and Puttaparthi that serves the community free of cost...
What I have listed is a bare framework that serves only to highlight the fact that faith speaks for itself and needs no connection to any religious movement. In conclusion, I shall say that this quote from Louis de Bernieres' BIRDS WITHOUT WINGS should serve to sum things up and summarises my thoughts excellently -
"Where does it all begin? History has no beginnings, for everything that happens becomes the cause or pretext for what occurs afterwards, and this chain of cause and pretext stretches back to the Palaeolithic age, when the first Cain of one tribe murdered the first Abel of another. All war is fratricide, and there is therefore an infinite chain of blame that winds its circuitous route back and forth across the path and under the feet of every people and every nation, so that a people who are the victims of one time become the victimisers a generation later, and newly liberated nations resort immediately to the means of their former oppressors. The triple contagions of nationalism, utopianism and religious absolutism effervesce together into an acid that corrodes the moral metal of a race, and it shamelessly and even proudly performs deeds that it would deem vile if they were done by any other."Louis de Bernieres.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Corpse


More or less my first and only foray into a piece that is almost entirely conversational...read it and tell me what you think. Dug it up from old stuff...Wrote this about four years ago...

Democracy. An idea that was born and conceived through the union of human mind and spirit. Gestating in the hearts of millions and still being brought forth into this world. It is a labour that(for many) will last to death.

It does not matter to me anymore. I can neither see nor hear anything. In the pitch darkness of this pit I have realized that ideas cannot feed you or rescue you. I believed in this idea, was prepared to fight for it unto death but it has proven to be my executioner…

I am..was a revolutionary. Young, strong. I withstood the dreadful batons of the state police, the bullets that killed many a dream. The dreams of many died but served to inspire many more to live…and dream once more.

A vicious cycle that. A cycle that is the cause of bloodshed and hatred in this country of mine. A cycle that is doomed to end in defeat not only for the defeated but for the victors as well. We all know that it is the men in power that fail the people…a million revolutionaries are born every minute but the sweet seductive dreams of power eclipse the harsh reality of freedom giving but the burning corona of the outer image and leaving the heart and the mind blackened.

At times I wonder if I…but that way lies madness. I am in a pit…I know not how deep it is or how wide. I know not how many days I lie here or how many nights have speckled the sky with stardust…that mingles with the blood of my nation.

They have killed my wife. Slit her throat in front of me. They have murdered my children. Am I losing my mind…I do not remember their names…the darkness of this pit reaches inside my head obliterating my memories of my family. I cried. I cried when the memories became blurred and the sounds of their voices dimmed and became part of the crowd of voices in my head.

The voices…they taunt. They tell me to kill myself. To join those who have taken my family from me. To kill and rip and bite…I am shaking…do I have a fever…but I do not feel ill. I feel so full of life!! Life..what is its meaning…darkness..where is the light. HUNGER!! THIRST!!! Food..I need food. I need to keep my wits about me. Where am I? Who am I?? What am I ? How am I?? Why am I …HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!

I fainted…the madness has me in its grip. Strip, lip, chip,Stop it…you must calm down. Measure your breathing and calm down. You must if you want to live. How long have I been here? How many days or how many long endless nights have these monsters imprisoned me in this pit of HELL!!!

CONCENTRATE!!! DON’T PANIC!!! First you must measure the length and breadth of this pit…you know how to do it don’t you? The Pit and the Pendulum. Mr. Poe helps me. I shall hold this wall I am leaning against and press my right heel against it…so. Now I shall pace forward and measure in paces…keeping one foot in front of the other so that I finally reach the other wall on the opposite side and can then estimate the distance.

That’s not too bad is it. Easy there. Slow and steady does it. Now we are making progress. I feel like Indiana Jones already…HAHAHA!!No..No..NO!!! Stop it just keep woeking through this and you will survive I promise you. So I shall walk and I shall walk…

Hullo…what was that? I felt something hit my foot just now…is there some other poor soul in here with me?? In the center of this damned pit? Hullo…oy…are you alright..my name is…now let us see what was it. I am sure it started with K…but I just cant remember the rest. K…K…K…for King.. King Kong!!!! Yes that is it!!! Stop it you fool. They want this. They want you to go mad. Mad people have no ideas and even if they do. The Ideas don’t matter…they want your mind. They have taken everything from you..your land your family, your freedpom and now they want your mind!!!1 Your mind !!!!

Can you hear me…dumb are you?? You are kind of cold you know that?? Very cold in fact. I don’t think you are very well or keeping in very good health. I was a doctor once. Let me see…you…you have no PULSE!!! Well that must meant that you are…d..no it cant be. You are pulseless that is all. Mere error on my part. Forgive me my dear fellow.

Nice clothes and what is that on your chest??? A badge?? You were in the army were you?? Or you went to school. I can see the name glinting in the darkness. I cant read it though it sounds nice…something I would have liked to call my…who..what…

That’s a nice cap you are wearing…and…its…its..moving!!! No personal hygiene at all dear fellow…you have maggots all over you. You are simply filthy and Phew!!! That smell…how long has it been since you took a bath. OH my God !!! No!!! Those monsters have left me to rot here with a Corpse!!! No that cant be…its all your imagination. It is simply a…a…a…

Whatever you are, you aren’t dead are you? Are you?? Answer me!!! Answer me!! ANSWER ME you devils spawn!!!! Why are you tormenting me!!!! Why couldn’t you have just killed me with my family!!!?? Why this fate??Why??Why???

So hungry, so thirsty…haven’t eaten or drunk in days…it seems like months or maybe even years…or millennia or Centuries!!!! Stop..stop…see reason. They have left you in a deep pit with a corpse. They want you to go mad!!! But it is not working. I will not sacrifice my sanity. I will defeat those unholy monsters!!! They will not have me!!1 They will not have me.

Let us see the identity of this dead person…no not dead…merely sleeping.
I have a match on me…yes..NO!!! But…but…(shuffling around)…they left me matches…now why would they do that. Smoke my last cigarette?? Let us light up then!!! And…those clothes…my son used to wear clothes like these…the very same…and he looked so much like you…except for those holes in his face…I would have never stood for that in the house…cant tolerate much o this new fashion…cant abide by it…Well then fellow…sleep…sleep…do you want to hear a lullaby I used to sing my son…its very old…but ..

Tinker top the tin cop once knocked on my door

I told him to go away “don’t be a bore”

Tinker top took his little stick and knocked me on the head

And then he kept n knocking ntil I was DEAD!!!!

DEAD!DEAD!!DEAD!!


Friday, June 26, 2009

Blind Faith

So, here I am sitting in the computer centre of the "Worlds Second Best Medical College" with absolutely no idea as to what I want to write about. Shall it be a serious treatise on the crash of the worlds economy? A wild and crazy rant about the dangers of communism? A funny story about a dog with one leg? Or a humorless and dry article about the prevalence of potholes on the streets of Vellore? What shall it be..what shall it be?
Maybe I should talk about small towns, small communities, enclosed campuses and walls with ears. About monopoly, mommas boys and frightened administrators...castrated administrations and spineless students. I would like to construct a new world, never minds its name. But it exists and lives in the recesses of every small community, every small town and actually manifests as pure ignorant badness.
More than poverty, more than anger, more than war and the desire to find out whats cooking in your neighbours kitchen Self righteousness is, i feel, the true plague of mankind. It can spread like a cancer among the masses, words being its only vehicle. It is transferred through thoughts, dreams and visions. It maybe manifested as a burning bush for some, the saffron colour of war for others and the crescent moon for a third. It comes cloaked in various disguises but it is not very difficult to recognise once you realise how it works.
Hitler was dangerous not because of his evil, but because he was so convinced that he was right. The crusades did not wage for so many years and take a toll on the lives of countless millions because they were a petty war between two sister religions but because they were fought in the firm conviction that the other side had no just cause to stand upon.
Maybe I am making the actual issue, far reaching and much larger than it may seem at first sight but I disagree. All these momentous events in the history of mankind, these bloodied pages of the story of the earth bear witness to one fact, that the belief that you are right, in exclusion to the views of all other people has led to more hardships and problems than pure greed.
So what relation does it have to the state of events in the smalled walled community that I live in? Everything.
I shall mention no names. I shall name no events and I shall point no fingers. I shall construct scenarios out of my own imagination and work it out from there.
If self righteousness is one bane for a community, insecurity is another and comes second in my list of human evils. Religion is something personal. Everyone hears this platitude repeated endlessly like the mantras repeated with prayer beads. I agree with it but what does it mean?
It means this - A man establishes his connection with god in his own personal way - it may be a simple smile in the direction of a neighbouring temple every morning prior to work. It may be a bowed head over his daily meals, a thank you. It may be a fast made in honour of his gods, broken with great rejoicing, it may be candles, frankincense and myrrh. It maybe chaos, pandemonium, drums and dances, colours and lights...crackers and brilliant sparkles jabbing away the darkness of the night. Whatever it is, I feel that everyone moves towards religion in their own manner and this movement is very much akin to the migration of birds in winter. We humans do it purely as creatures of instinct.
So, if a person feels no peace worshipping in a particular manner, I believe he has every right to move over to something else. But then, insecurity will not allow him to.
The problem with putting my theory into practical use is that a religion is more like a club in these troubled times. We all gang together in the attempt to assess our own mortality, our relationship with the almighty and our opinion of the unexplained universe. This stems from the universal truth that there is comfort in numbers. When these numbers that were once so numerous start to decline:- anger, rage, disbelief ensues. This may not be because of the actual fact of the desertion but because people may think this 'Is what I have been following the wrong method? Is God accessible through this path or through the other, is nirvana attainable only to those of the other religions, are we to be abandoned?' Insecurity. This manifests as denial and leads to large scale conflicts.
But I feel, that the truth is much simpler and have already laid it out for you to agree or disagree to it. People must worship in whatever way gives them a modicum of peace. If you find yourself distressed by your religion, change it.
So what am I building up to? Tolerance.
Walled Communities are a safe area to witness the small ripples in the current that lead to the whirlpool of national affairs. They are the small scale models of butterflies flapping their wings to produce a vortex half a world away. They denote and intensify the small problems in our world that lead to the large scale conflicts. I recommend them to sociologists as places where they can identify the causes for most of the problems that plague us.
I have come across several discriminative insecurities in the past three years of my life. Deepavali the festival of light is always a source of anger. It is not a festival that encompasses all religions, it is not a festival that other religions can enjoy, it is pagan... these are the actual issues that people have. But they are masked...the resistance comes in the form of statements like 'the noise disturbs the staff, we were planning another function at that particular time...' Sometimes another religious icon may be planted in the field where the event is supposed to be held to discourage any activity. Small subtle hints that maybe we are not wanted, that we are tolerated only because they have to and that our customs have no respect.
Let us set aside this issue for a minute. To deny leave to someone so that they can celebrate their own festival comes to me as a surprise. Festivals are times to connect with family and your community back home...to deny this to someone is tantamount to curbing their freedom.
I am not asking Hindus to worship in Churches or for Muslims to break coconuts at the steps of temples, I am not asking Christians to dress in Saffron and dance around 20 foot idols of the Lord Ganesha. That would be too much to ask, and such open mindedness is not possible for everyone though it would be ideal. Respect....observe and realise this, if your faith is strong and your convictions are in the right place, God is just a breath away. Too much time is spent in putting barricades around your religion, too much effort spent in criticising the other religions and too much thought is given to your own superiority.
I am not a very religious man. I do not pray daily and have a disdain for a lot of Hindu Practices though I am one myself. But when I look at the various miracles that faith can perform, I sometimes wonder at its redeeming nature. A christian Missionary can serve a community endlessly , without proper housing, food or sanitation, secure in the belief that he is doing Gods work. A Sufi mystic can render advice to all who come to him, renounce his home and family and live a life of service to society, in the same vein a Hindu can construct centres of medicine like the ones seen in Whitefield and Puttaparthi that serves the community free of cost...
What I have listed is a bare framework that serves only to highlight the fact that faith speaks for itself and needs no connection to any religious movement. In conclusion, I shall say that this quote from Louis de Bernieres' BIRDS WITHOUT WINGS should serve to sum things up and summarises my thoughts excellently -
"Where does it all begin? History has no beginnings, for everything that happens becomes the cause or pretext for what occurs afterwards, and this chain of cause and pretext stretches back to the Palaeolithic age, when the first Cain of one tribe murdered the first Abel of another. All war is fratricide, and there is therefore an infinite chain of blame that winds its circuitous route back and forth across the path and under the feet of every people and every nation, so that a people who are the victims of one time become the victimisers a generation later, and newly liberated nations resort immediately to the means of their former oppressors. The triple contagions of nationalism, utopianism and religious absolutism effervesce together into an acid that corrodes the moral metal of a race, and it shamelessly and even proudly performs deeds that it would deem vile if they were done by any other."
Louis de Bernieres.